(This is, I believe, how the technique of the “montage,” made popular by 80s movies, was originally invented.)

Since no 70s TV show had the budget to clear a city street for a shoot, these outdoor scenes often featured regular, everyday, non‑showbiz people milling around in the background, and there were a few who for whatever reason didn’t notice the cameras and reacted in unexpected ways, contributing to the comedy or emotion of the scene. These are their stories.

(*dun dun*)

#3: Two Las Vegas Good Samaritans, Sanford and Son, 1975

The season five premier of Sanford and Son, “Earthquake II” (1975), begins with the Sanford home being rocked by an earthquake. Afraid of “the big one” (which is an earthquake this time—not his usual feigned heart attack), Fred (Redd Foxx) flees Watts for Las Vegas, where he gambles and hobnobs with celebrities like Merv Griffin and Steve and Eydie in the first recorded example of a sitcom trope I call, “What Happens in Vegas…”

Picture it: Fred Sanford is waddling down a crowded sidewalk on the Las Vegas Strip, donning his signature fedora, which Lamont (Demond Wilson) gave him as a birthday gift in season one. There are two people walking just behind him: a small elderly woman in a blue dress and a tall young man wearing a white shirt and brown pants. They don’t appear to be together, just two strangers walking along the Strip. The dialogue is inaudible under some Benny Hill-style music.

The elderly woman reaches toward one of Fred’s bags. It’s not clear what she says to him, but she has her hand outstretched with the palm turned up, like she’s offering to carry the bag. Fred briefly turns and says something that’s probably, “No, thanks,” then hurries on.

Lest you interpret this woman’s reach as asking for money, I should note that she doesn’t make this gesture toward anyone else. She doesn’t appear to be homeless or begging. To me, it looks like she’s saying, “Can I carry one of those bags for you?”

Fred’s terse response is probably because Redd Foxx is trying to get on with the scene. In his memoir, Confessions of a Rogue TV Comedy Writer, Ted Bergman describes Redd as a consummate professional, so he would likely avoid any interaction that could ruin a take.

Just after that, a sudden gust of wind blows Fred’s hat off his head and into the crowd. Redd, the consummate professional, stays in character. He knows Fred wouldn’t want to lose the hat because it was a gift from his son. He also probably needs to wear it in later shots to preserve continuity.

Redd turns around just as the tall young man walking behind him catches the hat and hands it back to Redd with a big smile on his face. For a moment, the dialogue becomes audible, so you can just barely hear Redd say (as Fred), “Thank you, brother!” before he hobbles away.

Don’t bother searching the web for any information about either of these people; you won’t find it (I looked). It seems as if I’m the only one who noticed their good deeds. It happens. My obsessive attention-to-detail is unparalleled (take note, employers). So, if one or both of them is still alive and happens to read this, I just want to say: I saw you, and I appreciate you, as I’m sure Redd Foxx and the crew of Sanford and Son did too.

Watch it here (0:40 – 0:52):

#2: Uncommonly Kind New York Man, The Odd Couple, 1971

In season 2 of The Odd Couple (1970 – 1975), a narrator explained, “On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife.” This was the producers’ way of dissuading the audience of any possible notion that Felix (Tony Randall) and Oscar (Jack Klugman) were a gay couple.

After being thrown out of his marital home, Felix—lovable anal retentive that he is—overpacks three suitcases, which he then has to lug through the streets of Manhattan as he looks for a place to stay. In his memoir, Which Reminds Me, Tony says the suitcases were “awfully heavy,” so at one point, he plopped them down on the sidewalk and sat on one to rest.

If you’re not familiar with Tony Randall, just know that he’s a very good actor. In this particular scene, he wordlessly portrayed Felix’s heartbreaking misery with an authentically dejected expression.

Picture it: An extremely sad-looking man struggles with three heavy suitcases on a rainy Manhattan sidewalk. Several pedestrians pass him without so much as a glance in his direction. Exhausted, he drops his bags and sits down. Suddenly, a young man who was walking by makes a beeline for him.

The intro quickly cuts to the next scene just as the man is approaching Felix, so the audience never gets to see their exchange. Fortunately, Tony described what happened in his memoir:

“A guy who was passing stopped and tried to help me with the bags. ‘Hey, are you okay, buddy?’ He didn’t know who I was, or that we were filming. He just wanted to help me. He nearly ruined the take.”

The man was obviously from out of town, as Tony points out, “Ordinarily you can drop dead on the streets of New York and no one’s going to help you.”

No one seems to know who that kind man was, but if he’s out there and somehow ends up reading this, I have this to say to him: Sir, you’re a real human being. Never change.

Watch it here (1:30 – 1:36):

Click to watch.

#1: Scowling Minneapolis Woman, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, 1969

In the intro to The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970 – 1977), in the iconic scene where Mary Tyler Moore throws her hat up in the air in the middle of a crowded Minneapolis street, an elderly woman in the background looks on with a pursed expression similar to that of Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” character from Saturday Night Live. The camera freeze-frames on this exact moment, with the scowling woman clearly visible in the frame, seeming to say, “Well, isn’t that special?”

In a 2002 interview on Good Morning America, Mary said that when the director told her to run into a busy street and throw her hat in the air, she couldn’t protest because the frigid mid-January Minnesota air was so cold it froze her lips, leaving her unable to form words. Still, she somehow managed to plaster a big smile on her face and heaved her beloved knit beret, a gift from her aunt, up into the air. Unfortunately, Mary’s hat was stolen, and she never saw it again. It’s too bad the young man from Las Vegas wasn’t there to catch it.

When the show aired in 1970, the scowling woman quickly became famous among fans, but it wasn’t until many years later that they finally learned her name: Hazel Frederick.

Hazel approached Mary at a 1996 book-signing, and Mary brought her up on stage and introduced her as “the co-star of the titles.” Mary asked Hazel why she scowled at her, and Hazel finally got to tell her side of the story.

Picture it: It’s a bitterly cold day in 1969. Hazel, a 61-year-old Minneapolis native, is returning from a routine shopping trip when she sees a crowd gathering in the street. She doesn’t see the camera or crew and doesn’t know there’s a TV show being filmed there. She wanders into the crowd and is shocked to see a young woman run out into traffic. “She just thought there was a lunatic about to lose her life,” Mary told Good Morning America.

So Hazel wasn’t so much scowling as feeling confused and concerned for the weirdo who almost killed herself running out in the middle of the street.

Hazel, who her family says was pleased with her mostly anonymous stardom, passed away in 1999 at 91 years old.

Watch it here (0:45 – 0:56):

Sources

• “20 years ago, Mary met Twin Cities woman who walked into opening credits” by Warren Wolfe, The Minnesota Star Tribune, Oct. 19, 1996

• Confessions of a Rogue TV Comedy Writer: Forty Years of Fame, Fun and Combat Inside The Writers Room by Ted Bergman, independently published, Dec. 22, 2019

• “Mary’s ‘Co-Star’ Dies At 91” by CBSNews.com staff, CBS News, Dec. 1, 1999

• “The Story Behind the Iconic ‘Mary Tyler Moore Show’ Opening” by Catherine Thorbecke, ABC News, Jan. 26, 2017

• Which Reminds Me by Tony Randall & Michael Mindlin, Delacorte Press, Oct. 1, 1989

On Peep Show, roommates Mark Corrigan and Jeremy Usborne (aka Jez), played by David Mitchell and Robert Webb, are always getting themselves into wacky jams, and their solutions always seem to involve doing terrible things to other people—and sometimes each other.

I could write a whole series of articles about the horrible things each of them do on their own, but on the few occasions when “The El Dude Brothers” team up their terribleness, they’re doubly deplorable.

Here are the top five egregious exploits they committed together…

#5: Stalked and made a threatening phone call to Mark’s crush

Sophie Chapman (Olivia Colman) was Mark’s main love interest for four seasons, until he reluctantly married her in a ceremony marred by his hiding in the balcony of the church and claiming it was a “prank.”

Marrying her was definitely the worst thing Mark did to Sophie, but the worst thing he and Jez did to her together was stalking her and scaring her with a creepy phone call.

In season 1, episode 5, “Dream Job” (2003), Sophie gets the promotion Mark wanted, which makes him enraged at her (even though he’s still obsessed with her). At the same time, Jez has beef with Super Hans (Matt King) because he got flirty with Jez’s sort-of-girlfriend, Toni (Elizabeth Marmur), then got Jez fired from a recording studio. So Mark comes up with the brilliant idea to get revenge on each other’s enemies a la Strangers on a Train.

Mark’s revenge plot against Sophie involves hiding in the bushes outside her house, watching her through the windows, and having Jez make a threatening phone call to her. The guys can’t decide what to say even as the phone is ringing, so when Sophie picks up, Jez improvises and tells her he’s watching her. He proves this by telling her she’s eating spaghetti (actually linguini). Then he stupidly tells her that he’s hiding in the bushes.

Sophie is frightened, but she’s badass. She steps outside and fires a BB gun into the bushes, hitting Mark in the face, and the guys flee the scene.

#4: Made an alcoholic drug addict relapse right before his wedding

In the season 9 premier, “The William Morris Years” (2015), Super Hans is getting married, and he invites the guys to his “stag do” (that’s bachelor party in American). Mark and Jez are ready for a night of debauchery, but instead, they discover that Super Hans has quit drugs and alcohol for his fiancé, Molly (Franc Ashman), and he’s now really into juice.

Like, really, really, REALLY into juice…

Super Hans drones on and on about the benefits of juice while ordering round after round of juice for the table, making the guys a bit sick. When the waitress accidentally brings them a tray of lagers, Mark and Jez convince Super Hans to have one beer “just to wet the whistle.” He does, and the next scene has him in the bathroom, belting out, “I just want to fuck and suck” to the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and shouting, “I love cocaine!”

#3: Bagged, waterboarded, and threw out Mark’s new roommate

In the same episode, Super Hans asks Jez to take a bullet for him because Molly found drugs in his pocket. Jez tells Molly the drugs are his, and she kicks him out of the bathroom, where he’s been sleeping since he and Mark had a falling out.

Now homeless, Jez begs Mark to let him move back in with him, but Mark has a new roommate, a co-worker of his named Jerry (Tim Key). Jez immediately begins plotting to get Jerry out so he can move in, but all he can manage at first is stealing Jerry’s duvet so he has to sleep in one of those weird sleeping bags with a hood.

Meanwhile, Mark, in spite of himself, still has a soft spot for Jez, and he’s starting to tire of Jerry’s obsession with William Morris, so he helps Jez and Super Hans throw Jerry’s stuff outside while he’s asleep. Of course, Mark conveniently mentioned earlier that Jerry is “an irritatingly sound sleeper—ear plugs, eye mask, the whole blot.”

Once they’re done throwing out Jerry’s stuff, the guys still have to figure out how to get rid of Jerry. Jez and Super Hans spitball a few truly objectionable and clearly implausible ideas (e.g. tying him to a hot air balloon), and Mark unironically suggests they wake him up and ask him to leave “like men” (which obviously isn’t going to happen).

Then, Jez points out that Jerry is “sort of bagged for our convenience” and suggests they “bag him up and sling him out.” After putting up an “acceptable level of objection” so he can “be all reproachful when it turns out to be a disaster,” Mark agrees.

Super Hans pulls the drawstring on Jerry’s sleeping bag taut, trapping him inside, then drags him into the hall, where Jez “waterboards” him by pouring beer on his face through the tiny opening left by the drawstring.

At that point, even Super Hans starts to realize that what they’re doing is fucked up, but he still helps Mark and Jez hoist Jerry into the lift (elevator) and shut the doors. Where Jerry ended up is anybody’s guess.

#2: Framed a personal trainer and ruined his life

In season 4, episode 3, “Gym” (2007), Mark joins a gym, where he routinely hides from Sophie, whom he doesn’t love but is planning to marry (?!).

At the gym, Mark works with a personal trainer named Matt Townsend (James Carlton), who has a crush on his co-worker, Nancy (Rachel Blanchard), the object of Jez’s undying affection and technically his wife. With me so far?

Mark is horrified when he learns that Sophie has joined the gym, not only because he can no longer hide from her there, but because he has told Matt that he doesn’t love Sophie and is planning to call off the wedding (he isn’t), and he’s afraid Matt will tell her.

Jez is equally horrified when Nancy tells him she’s interested in Matt, and her interest doesn’t wane after Jez makes up disgusting things about Matt to scare her off. So the El Dude Brothers decide there’s only one thing they can do to solve both of their problems: get rid of Matt.

They start by telling the gym manager (Stuart McQuarrie) that Matt “did a poo” in the pool. Jez even provides the evidence by pooing in the pool himself (ew).

But pool pooing doesn’t seem to be enough to get Matt fired, so Mark tells the manager that Matt rubbed his penis without his consent while he was giving him a massage.

This results in Matt being fired, disgraced, labeled a sex offender, and most likely blacklisted at every gym in London.

And what was his crime? Pretty much just being a nice a guy.

#1: Killed, cooked, and ate a dog

Yes, you read that right. This is the most terrible thing Mark and Jez ever did—and quite possibly the worst thing any sitcom character ever did.

In season 4, episode 5, “Holiday” (2007), Jez rents a boat on the canal for Mark’s stag weekend. Things aren’t going so great until they meet two sisters, Aurora (Cara Horgan) and Lucy (Katy Brand), who are boating with their dad, Malcolm (Tom Knight).

Jez is immediately smitten with Aurora. Mark is less than smitten with Lucy, but when Malcolm mentions his company has a job opening for a call center manager in India, Mark decides to feign interest in Lucy in hopes that Malcolm will offer the job to him and he can run away from Sophie and their impending nuptials.

After enjoying lunch with Aurora, Jez tries to drive her SUV and accidentally runs over her dog, Mummy. Obviously, if Aurora found out that Jez killed her dog, it would put a damper on things, so Jez hides Mummy’s dead body in his backpack, then throws it in the bin (trash can) on the boat. Mark discovers Mummy’s body in the bin and freaks out.

At this point, Mark has a choice. He can choose to tell Aurora that Jez accidentally killed Mummy and try to make amends, or he could choose to not get involved in Jez’s dead dog caper at all.

Unfortunately, because he thinks the dead dog might ruin his chances of landing the job in India, Mark chooses the third option: helping Jez get rid of the evidence.

The guys try to burn the body, but they can’t build a proper fire (since Mark refused to buy firelighters, according to Jez), and it only partially burns. With no spade (shovel) to dig a grave, Jez decides to throw it in a dumpster, but before he can dump Mummy, Aurora catches up with him, and he follows her back to her boat to avoid suspicion.

Meanwhile, Mark is already on the boat, making a pitch to Malcolm for the call center job and resigning himself to “an endless, joyless fuck session” with Lucy, when Jez and Aurora arrive.

Lucy asks Jez what’s in the bag he’s carrying, and Jez tells her that he and Mark had a barbecue. Aurora, apparently salivating at the thought of barbecued mystery meat in a garbage bag, asks Jez if she can have some. Jez tries to talk her out of it, but Aurora insists. She grabs the bag and pulls out a scorched leg. The leg looks a little off, so Aurora asks Jez what it is, and he tells her it’s turkey.

Aurora and her family are unconvinced, so to prove that it’s turkey, horrifyingly, Jez takes a bite.

Yes, that’s right. Jez eats the charred remains of a dog. He even tries to get Mark to eat some, but Mark refuses, saying that it’s not his turkey, apparently thinking he’s blameless in all this, despite voluntarily attempting to burn the dog and destroy the evidence.

That’s when Aurora notices some hairs on the alleged turkey leg. She looks in the bag and takes out Mummy’s collar, complete with a bone-shaped license tag that reads, “MUMMY.”

Jez makes a half-assed attempt to explain it by saying “Mummy was the turkey’s nickname,” but Aurora isn’t a complete idiot. She screams, “They ate Mummy!” and runs to her dad in tears.

Of course, any chance either of the El Dude Brothers ever had with the sisters and their dad went down the loo (toilet) at that point, along with any shred of decency they might have had—and my lunch.

Which brings me to the opening quote, where Mark assures Jez that he is not, in fact, evil. They had this conversation in season 6, episode 6, “Das Boot” (2009).

Jez went on a boat ride with Gail (Emily Bruni), who recently got engaged to Elena (Vera Graziadei), who was having an affair with Jez. Got all that?

Gail told Jez she can’t swim, and Jez briefly considered pushing her into the lake so she would drown and he could have Elena all to himself. He didn’t do it, but Gail ended up falling in anyway, and Jez actually rescued her!

Afterwards, Jez claimed to feel guilty about wishing Gail dead, but later, he purposely hit her with a car. Honestly, I think Mark’s assessment might have been a little off.

Gail was fine, by the way. No Gails were harmed in the making of this article.

Here are my top 10 best instrumental sitcom theme songs of all time.

#1: Taxi

When you want to sit back and relax, there’s no better theme song to listen to than the mellow tones of the Taxi theme song, “Angela” by Bob James. James originally composed the song for the third episode of season one, “Blind Date,” and named it after a character in that episode, Angela Matusa, played by Suzanne Kent. The producers had planned to use another one of his songs, “Touchdown,” but when they heard “Angela,” they thought it was perfect for the theme. The smooth synths and horns put you in just the right mood to watch a show about people who drive cabs in New York City at night. I like to call this mood “Big Apple, 3am.”

#2: The Bob Newhart Show

The theme from The Bob Newhart Show, “Home to Emily” by husband and wife duo Lorenzo and Henrietta Music, is like a multi-part symphony. It starts out rocking with heavy drums and horns, then it cools off with a smooth piano solo before finishing with a bang. The music follows Bob as he heads home from work, walking briskly and hopping on a train. When he arrives home to Emily, the music relaxes like it’s sighing in relief. It’s a rollercoaster ride for your ears, and you’ll enjoy every second of it.

#3: The Odd Couple

The theme from The Odd Couple is probably the catchiest instrumental theme song of all time. Once you hear it, it’ll be stuck in your head, and you’ll be singing it all day. Neal Hefti composed the song for the 1968 film and then adapted it for the TV series. The upbeat horns and jazzy drums make you want to snap your fingers. It’s instantly recognizable even over 50 years after the show first aired.

#4: Barney Miller

While the Barney Miller theme song varied slightly throughout the show’s run, it always featured the same hot bass line played by Chuck Berghofer. The song was composed by Jack Elliott and Allyn Ferguson, who also collaborated on the Charlie’s Angels theme song. It starts out mellow with just the bass, then the horns kick in and it starts to rock as hard as jazz can possibly rock. You can’t help but hum along.

#5: Night Court

The Night Court theme song is second only to The Odd Couple in its catchiness. It’s no surprise that it was composed by Jack Elliot, part of the duo who composed the Barney Miller theme song, due to the hot bass line and jazzy feel. It features slap bass, jamming brass, and slamming symbols over classic 80s synths. It makes you want clap your hands and tap your feet, especially during the brief breaks toward the end when the claves kick in. You know what I’m talking about. The “clack-clack” is as recognizable as the Law & Order “donk-donk.”

#6: Sanford and Son

The theme from Sanford and Son, “The Streetbeater” by Quincy Jones, is probably the most musically interesting theme song on the list. It’s layered with bass, horns, guitar, harmonica, and unique percussion you won’t hear anywhere else. It starts with a bass harmonica, which I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. In fact, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a bass harmonica. Then the horns start their catchy melody, then the percussion explodes with texture. It has what’s referred to in the video game world as “replay value.” Every time you hear it, you notice something new that you didn’t hear before, so you want to listen to it over and over again.

#7: Too Close for Comfort

Too Close for Comfort topped my list of sitcoms with the most sitcomy intros, and its catchy theme song definitely contributed to its sitcomyness. The theme was composed by Johnny Mandel, who was famous for composing the theme from M*A*S*H. It’s distinctly 80s in every way, from its synths to its rhythm to its infectious horns. It’s laid back and easy to listen to, much like the show is easy to watch. You can’t not hum along to the melody. Try it. I dare you.

#8: What’s Happening!!

The theme song from What’s Happening!! by celebrated film and TV composer Henry Mancini is probably the most upbeat and fun theme on the list. Like the Sanford and Son theme, it’s layered with lots of interesting instrumentation and texture, including catchy horns, a steady beat, a cool organ solo, and whatever makes that “boing boing” sound in the background. It works perfectly with the fun atmosphere of the show’s opening credits. Every time I hear it, it gets stuck in my head all day, and I love it every minute of it.

#9: Sledge Hammer!

Sledge Hammer! is a more obscure 80s sitcom that never quite reached the popularity of some of the other shows on the list, but it boasts a kickass them song composed by the legendary Danny Elfman, known for heading the band Oingo Boingo and providing the music for most of Tim Burton’s movies. If you’re a Tim Burton fan, you’ll probably notice a certain similarity between the Sledge Hammer! theme and Elfman’s movie work as well as the themes from The Simpsons and Tales from the Crypt, which he also wrote. He has an individual style that comes through in all of his music.

The Sledge Hammer! theme oozes 80s flavor with its electronic drums and harmonizing synths. Background brass and keyboard vocalization add another layer of texture that’s uniquely Danny Elfman. Its exciting tone goes perfectly with the feel of the action-packed show, and it puts you in just the right mood for Sledge’s trigger-happy antics.

#10: Doogie Howser, M.D.

While you could make the argument that Doogie Howser, M.D. is not strictly a sitcom, it definitely plays for comedy with some dramatic accents. The theme song, written by veteran TV composer Mike Post, fits this tone perfectly. Played entirely on an 80s keyboard, the theme is both fun and mellow at the same time. When it plays over the image of Doogie’s clunky computer monitor, it makes you feel like the computer could be playing it. Its simplicity makes it stand out from other theme songs with layered instrumentation, and it fits the tone of the show perfectly.

Over the last 20 years or so, TV shows have been phasing out theme songs, which I think is a big mistake. A good theme song can really boost a show’s popularity. Studies have shown that people remember song lyrics better than anything else. Do you think Gilligan’s Island would’ve been as popular as it was if it didn’t have such a catchy theme song? People who’ve never even seen it have probably heard the theme song and can sing at least part of it. That’s the power of a good theme song.

Here’s my list of the top 10 best lyrical sitcom theme songs of all time. (My list of the top 10 best instrumental theme songs of all time is coming soon.)

#1: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

The Mary Tyler Moore Show was not only one of the greatest sitcoms ever, it also had the best theme song ever, “Love is All Around,” written and performed by Sonny Curtis. It’s upbeat and catchy, and it has inspirational lyrics and a groovy 70s arrangement.

The song went through two phases: In season one, it was marginally slower and in a slightly lower key, and the lyrics seemed to be uncertain, asking, “How will you make it on your own?” In season two, the song was retooled to be faster and more upbeat with the more empowering lyrics declaring, “You’re gonna make it after all.” Personally, I love both versions. The season one version has a cool organ part at the beginning, booming bass, and jazzy horns. The later version features orchestral strings, big band-style brass, and stronger percussion that makes it really kick.

#2: The Patty Duke Show

No theme song gets stuck in my head more than The Patty Duke Show’s theme song, “Cousins,” written by Sid Ramin and Bob Wells and performed by the Skip-Jacks. This song is what Michael Harris had in mind when he said the quote above. The song perfectly and succinctly sums up the show’s premise: two identical cousins who are complete opposites. It’s probably the catchiest theme song ever, and the Skip-Jacks’ enthusiastic performance makes you want to snap your fingers and tap your feet. Once you hear it, you’ll never stop singing it.

In season three, the song was retooled with new instrumentation and a slightly different beat that didn’t quite seem to fit with the original melody. The vocals were different too, replacing the original duet style of the guys and gals switching off with all of them singing in unison. Personally, I don’t think anything could ever top the original...except of course The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song, but it’s very close.

Season 1

Season 3

#3: Perfect Strangers

Probably the most uplifting theme song of all time is the Perfect Strangers theme song, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now,” written by Jesse Frederick and Bennett Salvay and performed by David Pomeranz. The arrangement is similar to other Miller-Boyett theme songs composed by Frederick and Salvay, with electronic drums, 80s synths, swelling strings, a sprinkling of harmonica, and a chorus of background singers providing plenty of “aaahhs.” It starts out soft, builds slowly, then explodes into the chorus before cooling things off again. It gets you pumped and ready to take on the world. It’s the perfect song to sing in the shower or listen to while you work out.

#4: The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis

No theme song is more indicative of its time period than that of The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis, “Dobie,” written by Lionel Newman and the show’s creator, Max Shulman, and performed by Judd Conlon’s Rhythmaires. This infectious tune features jazzy horns and drums with a harmonizing vocal group singing the peppy lyrics, which describe all the different types of girls Dobie (Dwayne Hickman) might be interested in.

The song sums up the original premise of the show: a lonely teenager looking for that one special girl, but later the show became more complex. It wasn’t strictly about Dobie’s attempts to win the heart of Thalia Menninger (Tuesday Weld) or any of the other girls at school. It also covered his conflicts with his father, troubles with teachers and homework, and the zany antics of his best friend, Maynard (Bob Denver). In fact, later on the show became so Maynard-centric that it probably should’ve been renamed, “The Many Loves of Maynard G. Krebs.” But through it all, the theme song remained the catchy, fun ditty it was in the beginning.

#5: Cheers

When you’re feeling down, there’s no better theme song to cheer you up than the Cheers theme song, “Where Everybody Knows Your Name,” written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo and performed by Gary Portnoy. The song is heartwarming with lyrics that talk about how times are tough, but you always have good friends to help you through. It starts softly with just a piano and Gary’s voice, sounding almost mournful. Then the drums and background singers kick in, and you want to start headbanging like you’re in the “Bohemian Rhapsody” scene in Wayne’s World.

Viewers loved the song so much that when Gary recorded a full version of it, it made the charts in both the US and the UK, and it even won an Emmy award for Outstanding Achievement in Music an Lyrics.

#6: WKRP in Cincinnati

Another theme song that just makes you feel good all over is the theme from WKRP in Cincinnati, written by Tom Wells and the show's creator, Hugh Wilson, and performed by Steve Carlisle. In the original version, the song begins with radio static and clips, as if someone is tuning through different radio stations, then it settles on the theme song, which starts out sounding like it’s coming through the radio, then gradually becomes clearer and stronger. It fits perfectly with the premise of the show, which follows the misadventures of the rag-tag staff of a small local radio station. The lyrics read like a letter written by someone who left the rat race for the simpler life at WKRP. It gives you a sense of chilling out and forgetting the stresses of life.

Later versions of the song removed the radio tuning at the beginning, but otherwise it remained the same throughout the show’s run.

#7: Welcome Back, Kotter

Another chill song that makes you want to kick back and relax is the theme from Welcome Back, Kotter, “Welcome Back,” written and performed by John Sebastian, formerly of The Lovin’ Spoonful. The song combines rhythmic piano and guitar chords with hand claps and just the right amount of harmonica under softly-sung lyrics that welcome Mr. Kotter back to the old neighborhood. The simple instrumentation and vocals make it super easy to listen to, and it makes you want to hear it over and over again. The song was so popular that in 1976, it was the number one song in America.

#8: The Greatest American Hero

Another chart-topping theme song hit was the theme from The Greatest American Hero, “Believe It or Not,” written by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer and performed by Joey Scarbury. It peaked at number two on the Billboard charts 1981. Like many of the other songs on this list, it’s upbeat and uplifting with swelling strings and a tight beat. The lyrics are written from the point-of-view of the main character, Ralph (William Katt), who suddenly finds himself becoming an unlikely and reluctant superhero. The music starts softly and then pops at the uber catchy chorus, and it makes you want to belt it out along with Joey.

In fact, on Seinfeld, George (Jason Alexander) did just that for his answering machine message, recording his own, more relevant version of the lyrics.

Original

Seinfeld Version

#9: Good Times

The theme song from Good Times, written by Dave Grusin and Alan and Marilyn Bergman and performed by Jim Gilstrap and Blinky Williams, is so upbeat and fun that it seems incongruous with the show itself, which follows a poor black family in Chicago as they struggle to keep it together during the rough era of the 70s, when inflation and the energy crisis plagued America. The song is so gospel-like that you can picture a choir singing it in church with an old lady jamming on the piano and the congregation dancing in the aisle. In fact, a real gospel choir provided the background vocals.

The lyrics talk about so-called “good times” but list examples that don’t sound like good times at all: “temporary layoffs, easy credit rip-offs, scratchin’ and survivin’...” Either it’s meant to be ironic or promoting the message that no matter what happens, as long as you have a loving family, you always have good times.

#10: Friends

If you’re looking for a theme song that makes you want to get up and dance, look no further than the Friends theme song, “I’ll Be There for You,” written by the show’s creators along with Michael Skloff and Allee Willis and performed by The Rembrandts. This fun, catchy song is brimming with 90s goodness with its twangy guitars, swift beat, and that one part where everyone claps. The lyrics go along with the show’s theme of friendship, and the music fits perfectly with the intro’s imagery of the stars dancing and playing in a fountain.

At only 54 seconds, it’s probably the shortest theme on this list, but it’s still amazingly effective and memorable. I never even liked the show, but back in the 90s, I would often tune into the beginning of it just to hear the theme song. And it seems I wasn’t alone in my fondness for this energetic pop/rock number. The full version of the song was number one on the US charts for eight weeks in a row, and it also made the charts in Australia, New Zealand, the UK, and Canada.

Too Close for Comfort

Aside from being the most sitcomy sitcom of all time, Too Close for Comfort also boasts the most sitcomy intro. While it went through a few iterations over six seasons, each one was just as sitcomy as the last. The camera pauses on each character, most of whom appear to be surprised by it. Then Ted Knight as Henry Rush trips over the couch, the rest of the family rush to help him up, and it freeze frames on his bewildered expression.

What’s Happening!!

This classic intro shows the characters leaving their homes for the day, including Raj (Ernest Thomas) greeting the morning with a breath of fresh air, Dwayne (Haywood Nelson) falling off his skateboard and cracking himself up, and Rerun (Fred Berry) — what else? — eating. It ends with Raj and Dwayne hitching a ride on the back of a pickup truck while Rerun hurries after them, scrambling to catch up.

Double Trouble (original)

Aside from having a kickass theme song, Double Trouble’s original intro was a sitcomy masterpiece. It included shots of the twins waking up, playing air guitar in their pajamas, and doing a dance routine in 80s workout wear interspersed with kooky clips from the show.

Fun Fact: Stars Jean and Liz Sagal sang the theme song themselves.

Small Wonder (season 2 on)

This super sitcomy sitcom featured three slightly different intros, each one more sitcomy than the last. From season two on, the characters are going about their everyday lives when they suddenly pause to look at the camera and smile.

It wraps up with Richard Christie as Ted Lawson typing on his computer while Vicki (Tiffany Brissette) appears on the monitor, points a remote control at him, and the screen goes black. I can’t explain exactly what’s happening here. Is Ted programming Vicki and watching her through some kind of closed circuit camera system? And if so, if her remote control turns off the camera, why does the viewer’s screen go black and not Ted’s? Maybe it’s best not to over-analyze it. It is Small Wonder, after all.

The Dick Van Dyke Show (season 2 on)

Who can forget the intro to The Dick Van Dyke show? It was short and sweet, with an announcer reading the names of the actors and Dick Van Dyke as Rob Petrie coming home from work to greet his wife and son, then stepping across the living room to welcome his co-workers, who apparently came to visit.

The interesting thing about this intro is that there were three versions. In one version, Rob trips over an Ottoman and falls on his ass. In another version, he anticipates the Ottoman and swerves to avoid it, but still bangs his leg on the edge. In the third version, he artfully avoids the Ottoman altogether.

Family Matters

This epitome of the family sitcom intro combined shots of each character smiling for the camera as they engaged in some everyday activity alternating with shots of the family doing fun stuff together, like riding bikes, playing basketball, dancing, and baking. While it changed slightly over the show’s nine-season run, each different version ends with the family sitting in the living room together, looking blissfully happy.

In the final version, a new clip was added where Steve Urkel (Jaleel White) tries to push his way into the house while the Winslows push the door closed from the other side. It’s the only shot where they all don’t have big smiles on their faces, and I think it’s telling. By that point, the viewers were getting tired of Steve too.

Full House

Not surprisingly, the Full House intro is strikingly similar to the Family Matters intro. It includes shots of each character smiling for the camera bookended by shots of the family doing fun stuff together, like playing soccer, fishing, and having a barbecue. Each of the girls is shown doing some activity that’s indicative of her character. For example, in one version, DJ (Candace Cameron Bure) talks on her cool lips phone, Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin) heads off to school with her little pink backpack and lunchbox, and Michelle (either Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen) does a twirl in a tutu.

Other goofy clips came and went throughout the show’s eight-season run. In the original intro, Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) rides a motorcycle, and he and Joey (Dave Coulier) abandon Danny (Bob Saget) in the park to follow some attractive women.

Step by Step

Another Miller-Boyett production, another sitcomy intro. This one remained mostly the same almost shot-for-shot throughout the show’s seven seasons. It used footage of the family having fun at an amusement park to introduce the characters. Each character is engaged in some amusement park activity when the camera pauses on them.

Even as the show went on and the kids got older, the intro remained largely the same with only minor differences. For example, after season one, the shot with Ivy (Peggy Rae) and Mark (Christopher Castile) waving at the rest of the family on the rollercoaster was replaced by almost exactly the same shot with Cody (Sasha Mitchell) in place of Ivy.

Fun Fact: In the season one intro, some scenes show Jarrett Lennon, who was originally cast as Mark but replaced before the show ever aired.

Barney Miller (season 2 on)

This intro may have been the first one where the characters pose for the camera as it freeze frames on them. It changed every season, but the theme was always the same. Most of the actors look like they’re laughing at a funny joke that only they can hear. Occasionally they look confused or annoyed. My favorite is when Sgt. Harris (Ron Glass) is poised over his typewriter and looks like he just came up with a really great idea.

Diff’rent Strokes (original)

The original Diff’rent Strokes intro was exactly what you’d expect for this show. It follows Mr. Drummond (Conrad Bain) as he picks up Arnold (Gary Coleman) and Willis (Todd Bridges) in a limousine and takes them from a rundown basketball court to a big, fancy building. The images provide just enough of an explanation of the premise that a viewer just tuning in would get what’s going on.

Car 54 Where Are You? features many funny actors, including Joe E. Ross and Fred Gwynn in the two lead roles, Gunther Toody and Frances Muldoon, but the one actor who really stands out is Charlotte Rae as Sylvia Schnauser, the wife of Officer Leo Schnauser (Al Lewis). Every line she delivers is dramatic and exaggerated, and she steals every scene in which she appears. She’s quite clearly the funniest character on the show, and that’s why I’m presenting to you the top 5 Sylvia Schnauser episodes of Car 54 Where Are You?…

#5: Remembering St. Petersburg

Sylvia visits a phony fortune teller, who tells her Leo is a count from Russia, making her a countess. She immediately dons a ball gown and a tiara, refers to Leo as “Count Schnauser,” and bows in his presence. Leo is alarmed by Sylvia’s behavior, so he brings home a psychiatrist to speak to her. However, the fortune teller warned Sylvia not to tell anyone about Leo’s being a count, so when the doctor shows up, she acts totally normal, making Leo look like the crazy one.

Meanwhile, Gunther goes undercover to investigate the fortune teller, and she tells him that he’s Leo’s brother and therefore also a count. Even though he knows it’s a sting, Gunther believes her and fully takes on the role of Russian royalty along with Sylvia.

#4: The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser

The precinct is investigating a phony publishing company, and they recruit Sylvia to pose as a potential customer. Of course, the publisher’s pitch convinces her she’s a talented writer, and she sets out to write a book called “The 51 Loves of Sylvia Schnauser,” which contains recipes for her favorite foods. Leo hears the book’s title and thinks Sylvia is writing about all the men she’s dated.

Word spreads around the precinct that Sylvia is writing a book, and the other cops start thinking of so-called scandals from their past that she might write about. One by one, they visit her to ask her not to include their stories in her book. Leo sees the line of men outside their apartment and becomes incensed, thinking they’re all Sylvia’s past lovers.

Meanwhile, Gunther and Frances visit publishers around the city to ask if they bought Sylvia’s book, and the publishers assume that if the police are investigating the book, it must be good. Eventually, every publisher in the city rushes to Sylvia’s apartment to bid on her book.

#3: The Courtship of Sylvia Schnauser

Sylvia is embarrassed about her and Leo’s wedding because they got married at a courthouse on her lunch break. She decides she wants to have a real wedding, but Leo is reluctant to put the time and money into planning a big to-do.

Of course, Sylvia won’t back down. She insists they’re not really married and moves in with the Toodys, refusing to go home until Leo agrees to marry her again. She appoints Lucille (Beatrice Pons) as her maid of honor and asks Gunther to give her away. Gunther is so thrilled that he starts to act like her father, and Sylvia goes along with it. Eventually, the Toodys basically become Sylvia’s parents, and she takes on the role of their unmarried daughter waiting for her steady to propose.

#2: 142 Tickets on the Aisle

The members of the 53rd precinct’s brotherhood club and their wives decide to see a play for their annual outing, but all the plays in the city are sold out except for “Little Miss Pioneer,” an abysmal production that’s only still running because the theater owner wants to show something clean and wholesome. Gunther and Frances tell the club about the play, and the other members get it into their heads that the play is dirty. Amidst the uproar, Sylvia makes impassioned pleas in favor of the play, insisting the other club members face real life in all its dirt and filth.

The cops escort the play actors to the precinct so they can show the club that the play isn’t dirty, and passersby assume they’re being arrested because the play is obscene. This leads to a mad rush to the ticket office, and by the time Gunther and Frances come back to buy tickets for their club, the play is sold out.

#1: A Star is Born in the Bronx

Sylvia is turned down for a role in the brotherhood club’s play because she’s not thin enough, so she decides to go on a diet and heads to the grocery store to buy some health food. The delicious-looking foods in the store tempt her, and her diet goes out the window when a table of cookies catches her eye. A man invites her to sample a cookie, and she stuffs her face with them for about 10 minutes.

The man with the cookies turns out to be from an ad agency, and they want Sylvia to be the spokesperson for the cookies. Their offer goes to Sylvia’s head right away, and she instantly becomes a prima donna, making unreasonable demands, giving herself a new name, and making plans for her Hollywood career. She insists that the agency allow her to make the commercial her way, and the result is more like a bizarre art film.

1. “Hot Nights in Paris,” Just Shoot Me!

When Elliot (Enrico Colantoni) asks Maya (Laura San Giacomo) to move in with him, she’s hesitant to leave her comfort zone but agrees to a trial period. While unpacking her things at his apartment, Elliot finds Maya’s guitar and urges her to play something for him. She’s reluctant to perform in front of anyone, but Elliot tries to make her more comfortable by telling her, “You’re safe, and remember, you’re home.” Maya relents and plays a spectacularly bad song she wrote as a teenager, and Elliot can’t stop himself from bursting into laughter, prompting Maya to run back to her own place.

2. “Hurricane Judith,” Dream On

When Martin (Brian Benben) helps the rock star he’s dating (Shannon Kenny) quit heroin, she has trouble coming up with songs for her new album, so Martin shows her some of his poetry for inspiration. She decides to turn one of his poems, “Hurricane Judith,” into her new single, and when her band calls it quits, Martin steps in as her backup.

The song starts at 21:20 in this video: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7xk8u0

3. “Dayman,” It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

In the season four finale of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the gang puts on a rock opera written by Charlie (Charlie Day) as a way to impress the love of his life, known only as “the waitress” (Mary Elizabeth Ellis). The result is one of the most hilariously memorable episodes of the whole series, including one of the most memorable bad sitcom musical numbers of all time.

4. “Old Man River,” Newhart

Michael (Peter Scolari) organizes a 48-hour telethon to save the TV station from bankruptcy, and he volunteers Dick (Bob Newhart) to host, but when the crew doesn’t get their paychecks, they abandon the program early on, leaving Dick to go it alone. Desperate for any kind of entertainment to keep the viewers tuning in, Michael asks Stephanie (Julia Duffy) to perform a song she sang once in boarding school, “Old Man River.” Her cheerful, perky rendition is in stark contrast to the melancholy lyrics, but it manages to move sleep-deprived Dick to tears.

5. “Makin’ Whoopee,” NewsRadio

After Mr. James (Stephen Root) fires Matthew (Andy Dick) on a consultant’s advice, he promises to hire him back if someone from WNYX wins a charity talent contest. Beth (Vicki Lewis) and Bill (Phil Hartman) collaborate on a performance of “Makin’ Whoopee,” but Bill can’t let Beth have the spotlight.

6. “What a Feeling,” Spin City

When Caitlin (Heather Locklear), makes Stuart (Alan Ruck) and Carter (Michael Boatman) do her busy work for the mayor’s senate campaign, Stuart searches the internet for something he can use to blackmail her and discovers a video of her abysmal Star Search audition, where she performed “What a Feeling” from Flashdance, complete with leg warmers and inept dance moves.

The clip is from 17:33–19:45 in this video: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5vfvk5

7. “Spinning Wheel,” The Larry Sanders Show

Dissatisfied with just being Larry’s (Garry Shandling) sidekick, Hank (Jeffrey Tambor) decides to put on a one-man show, and Artie (Rip Torn) lets him use the studio to rehearse. With his limited budget, the production value suffers, so Hank is forced to sing both the lyrics and the horns for his opening number, “Spinning Wheel.”

7. “Meow Mix,” Malcolm in the Middle

Malcolm (Frankie Muniz) wants to play guitar, but his family is convinced he doesn’t have any musical talent. To prove them wrong, he writes a song and performs it for them. However, Dewey (Erik Per Sullivan) points out a strong similarity between Malcolm’s melody and a popular cat food jingle.

8. “Buttons and Bows,” Frasier

After encouraging his friends to “take a leap” for the leap year, Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) decides to perform a Verdi aria on the upcoming PBS telethon instead of his usual “Buttons and Bows.” However, he struggles to learn the piece, and at the last minute, he changes his mind and reverts back to “Buttons and Bows.” Unfortunately, he can’t seem to remember the lyrics.

9. “The Pee-pee Song,” Spin City

After a series of hilarious circumstances, Mike (Michael J. Fox) fails a routine drug test, so he enlists James (Alexander Chaplin) to provide a sample. However, James has trouble getting started, so he asks Mike to sing him a song his mother used to sing to help him use the potty as a child; Mike reluctantly agrees.

10. “One for My Baby,” The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mary (Mary Tyler Moore) is organizing the entertainment for this year’s Teddy Awards, and she struggles to find acts to perform, so she asks Mr. Grant (Ed Asner) if she could provide the entertainment herself. Mr. Grant asks for a sample of her talents, and she sings a cringey rendition of “One for My Baby.”

Honorable Mention: “Alexander’s Ragtime Band,” The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mr. Grant decides to buy a bar on a whim, but he struggles to keep the place afloat. In desperation, he leads the customers in a sing-a-long of “Alexander’s Ragtime Band.” Mary makes an awkward attempt to join in, but ultimately Rhoda (Valerie Harper) ends up singing alone.

1. “The Candy Man,” Malcolm in the Middle

Commandant Spangler’s (Daniel von Bargen) idol is coming to visit the military academy, and he wants to make a great impression, so he and the cadets prepare a stunning rendition of “The Candy Man” from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

2. “Ferryman’s Funerals,” WKRP in Cincinnati

The station wins a big advertising account from Ferryman Funeral Homes on the condition that they provide a commercial jingle, so Venus (Tim Reid) leads the gang in recording a catchy tune.

3. “The Mission Song,” 3rd Rock from the Sun

In the final episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun, the gang pile into their classic convertible and prepare to head back to their home planet. In an emotional moment, Tommy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) leads everyone in singing their mission song just before they’re transported.

4. “Lady of Mine,” Frasier

Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and Niles (David Hyde Pierce) discover that many years ago, Martin (John Mahoney) wrote a song that he intended to send to Frank Sinatra. They decide to help him finish the song and finally mail it. Meanwhile, their aunt has passed away, and Frasier is tasked with giving the eulogy, but he can’t think of anything nice to say. When Sinatra turns down Martin’s song, Frasier has the church choir perform it at the funeral in lieu of a eulogy.

5. “Danny Boy,” Spin City

Paul (Richard Kind) performs a duet with the mayor (Barry Bostwick) every year at the mayor’s annual costume ball, but this year, James (Alexander Chaplin) wants to sing with the mayor, so the mayor holds auditions to decide who gets to perform with him. James nails his audition with a moving rendition of “Danny Boy.”

6. “My Lovely Horse,” Father Ted

Ted (Dermot Morgan) and Dougal (Ardal O’Hanlon) want to enter the Eurovision song contest, so they write a dreadful song about a horse, which consists of only two notes. While they’re taking a break from songwriting, Dougal plays a record, and Ted decides to steal the song’s tune. The night before the contest, Ted and Dougal dream up a music video for their song.

7. “Born to be Punished,” Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist

Ben (H. John Benjamin) finds a photo of Dr. Katz (Jonathan Katz) and his former folk singing partner, which leads Dr. Katz to bust out his guitar and play some of their old songs. During the end credits, Ben says he loves songs where “instead of saying a dirty word at the end, you change it,” and Dr. Katz doesn’t disappoint.

8. “Desk Song,” Just Shoot Me!

To help his daughter, Hannah, take a nap, Jack (George Segal) plays his banjo and sings a song about the things on his desk; Nina (Wendie Malick) interrupts.

9. “When You Wish Upon a Star,” Perfect Strangers

Balki (Bronson Pinchot) confuses Jiminy Cricket with Frank Sinatra. When Cousin Larry (Mark-Linn Baker) corrects him, they randomly burst into a beautiful performance of “When You Wish Upon a Star” from Pinocchio.”

10. “Ten Cents a Dance,” The Mary Tyler Moore Show

While Phyllis and Mary help Rhoda look for a dress to wear in a beauty contest, Phyllis reminisces about the time she won the talent portion of a beauty contest by singing “Ten Cents a Dance” from the 1930 musical, Simple Simon.

Honorable Mention: “More Than Words,” It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

While hanging out at the bar, the gang performs a decent rendition of “More Than Words” by Extreme until they’re interrupted by Frank (Danny DeVito).

This article was originally posted on my website on 3/19/23.

Bob Newhart’s third of four shows bearing all or part of his name, Newhart, started out OK, but didn’t really pick up until season three. One of the main reasons for the vast improvement was the addition of Michael Harris, the slick-talking TV producer played by the late great Peter Scolari.

I’m a big fan of Michael because not only does he share my soft spot for silly sitcoms, but he also has a wonderful way with words, a high regard for rhyming, and a latent love of alliterations. I too have a tendency to transcribe twin syllables in my tomes, often without even realizing I’m doing it. To pay proper tribute to my peer in poetic prose, I painstakingly pored over every part of the program to present to you Michael Harris’s top 20 alliterations.

1. Did my designer lenses deceive me or were your dainty digits actually burrowing that beefcake’s biceps?

2. Would you quirky crossbred country kinsmen consider mangling your monikers for a mansion on the mount?

3. How else can I capture the slapping of our sapling’s posterior for posterity, Pookie?

4. But this one is unique because it would be starring one of the most exciting personalities to ever push a painting of poker-playing pooches.

5. He’s gonna get his head bashed in by some bozo Bluto over a bow-wow?

6. Two weeks ago I was a babbling blankoid with a berth in the bughouse.

7. A pithy packet of prose, but where’s the parallel?

8. Looks like he took my verbal venom verbatim.

9. Pardon, but perhaps you can persuade those pentameter-pushers to postpone?

10. Query: can you have a case if you can’t conjure up a corpse?

11. Well, she can pucker ’til she’s tuckered, but you’ll never be kicked out of the cockles of their corazones.

12. She’s a tad tardy. Maybe there’s a traffic tie-up.

13. You were bullied by a band of barnacled barbarians?

14. Let’s take a pregnant pause and peruse the positives.

15. You could’ve sown the seed that sired me, Sir.

16. My babe-in-arms goes goo-goo for the guests but poo-poos her own papa.

17. If you dry your ducts, Darling, Daddy’ll buy you a Bill Blass baby blankie.

18. Like a pretty little piece of post-op pastry.

19. This paisan’s primed for pasta.

20. Could my cuppers be correct? Is it wrong to nurture my niblet with nature?

Honorable Mentions

Occasionally, Michael rubbed off on some of the other characters, like in the first honorable mention, when Paul, another producer at the TV station, spoke the following amazing alliteration. Of course, Michael responded in kind.

PAUL: With us behind you, we can send that pushy pest packing and have her pounding the pavement by the PM.

MICHAEL: Perfectly put, Paul, but practical?

The following two honorable mentions are not alliterations but rhymes; however, they were just too good to leave out.

1. Dick, you’ve already got one foot off the ledge. If the boys allege to have a hedge that’ll give you an edge, I’d like to hear it.

2. I’ll have your spouse and her blouse in the house by eleven.